FEAR

Of what am I afraid, you ask.
Of myself, I answer,
the self I have hidden
deep down inside.
The one I'm afraid you won't like,
the one I sometimes don't like either.
the scared self.

I'm afraid that parts of this self
will rise to the surface
and I won't be able
to push them back down.
I will no longer be able to hide them
and maybe I'll lose some of what I have…
my friends, my loves,
my present lifestyle.

I feel like so many parts of me
are fighting for control of my being.
I feel torn apart, confused,
wondering what I can safely let out
and what will escape.
I wonder how I'll put myself back together,
which pieces will stay
and which will be gone.

I don't know what will happen
and I'm afraid of the unknown.
It's so much safer
just existing as I am.
but I know I must face myself
if I'm to have any peace.
And I want peace.


Copyright 2002
Fran Watson