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Many times our lives do not turn out the way we planned. This poem reflects one of those times.
WHAT NOW?
I am married by law
and yet unmarried by neglect.
I must love and stay
according to what I believe.
Lord, where do I go from here?
My love has died to a spark for one
and is burning for another.
How do I rekindle what is dying
and put out what is glowing?
How do I turn over all my needs and wants
to one who hasn't cared about them,
or me,
taking them away from one who has?
How do I put my husband by law
back into the place he is supposed to have?
Lord he has decided he loves me
now,
after all these years,
and he expects me to love him back,
as I did,
until a month ago.
Where did it go, Lord?
How do I give him my love
and trust him to look after my needs?
If I go by his past record, I can't
for in the past he didn't care.
He says he won't prove his love
and so I wonder if it is love,
or is he just interested now
because someone else is.
When I was alone, with no one
but him
he wasn't ready.
When I start to see someone else
he says he is,
but only after a week in which he didn't "score",
a week spent with another guy
discussing the relative merits of separation,
which aren't many.
So now, is it loneliness
that brings him back
not love,
or a feeling that someone else
can't have "his possession"
even if he didn't want it?
What do I do now Lord?
Where do I go?
Who do I trust?
What do I believe?
Help.......
Copyright 1979
Fran Watson
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